In my face

I went for another Remicade treatment today and realized that it's probably always going to hit me smack in the face, that this is my life.  I shudder when people ask me if the Remicade's effect will eventually wear off. What I'm not used to and don't know if I ever will be, is that, in order to enjoy a slightly better quality of life, I have to head to the Arthritis Center every 5 weeks for an IV infusion.  Sometimes I forget that it's taking big gun medications like Remicade and Methotrexate that allows me to walk a little easier and generally have a little less pain. I am, however, reminded of that truth every 5 weeks.  Do you get used to something like this? Do I just simply forget because I'm not grateful at other times?  I don't know.  I just know that living with arthritis is not fun.  Is that complaining?  I think it's just stating a fact.
Today as I was sitting in the Arthritis Center in a bright blue, reclining chair while Remicade was dripping into my veins, I experienced a mixture of feelings.  Overwhelmed because this disease can be so debilitating.  Sad because sometimes I just want to cry about it. Thankful because there are caring doctors and nurses  and because there are medications like Remicade etc for people like myself. Worried because my most recent blood work showed that the inflammation is escalating again. And it goes on and on.
However, I would be foolish to stop there.  I also have feelings of excitement. Excitement that God will always be there, that He doesn't change, and that I can always count on Him to give me the grace to bear this cross that He has seen fit to allow in my life.  It's about so much more than just me.  For that I am grateful. I also have a feeling of deep contentment. Contentment that God will only use this for my spiritual good, that He loves me more than I can ever hope to imagine, and that He promises to never leave me or forsake me.  I often think that if I feel like God has left, it's because I've moved away, not because He has. It is in the knowledge that God is big enough for anything that comes into my life, that I am able to quietly trust Him. I guess it's 'in my face' but thankfully not 'without His grace.'
Praying that you are able to quietly trust in Him as well, no matter what your life might be burdened with.